I know that probably anyone reading this blog already knows what I am about to say is common knowledge, so this isn't really addressed to my blog readers, but I just really need to VENT!
Since I've had Hudson there have been more than several occasions when people have asked "When are you due?" or "How many kids do you have? One and one on the way?" or just talk to me as if I were pregnant without even asking me if I am such as "It's really hot this summer. I can't imagine how you must feel in the condition you are in!". SERIOUSLY?! Dude, I know I am not pencil thin, nor will I ever be. I know I've got a gut and I hate it. I like to blame it on my PCOS which makes it harder to lose belly fat (but I don't like to let myself know that eating healthier and working out on the rare occasion might help, too). But really, don't like, 8 out of 10 people have a bit of a belly? So do these people just go around assuming that 80% of the population is pregnant?
And then there's this whole weird emotion that I feel that I've never felt until I was asked these questions. Of course the first emotion is horrifying embarrassment. But then as I'm trying to think of a response, several nasty things come to mind that I'd like to say to them...give them a piece of my mind! But anyone that knows me knows that if I ever tried to do that, I would break down crying before I could squeak my insult out. So here comes the weird emotion. In my embarrassment, I have to think of something to say to tell them I am not expecting, but I don't want THEM to feel embarrassed for thinking I was in the first place!
And just to get everything out while I'm at it, to add insult to injury, I feel like these comments are even more hurtful because I am going through infertility. Yes people, every time you ask me if I am pregnant, you are reminding me (like I need to be reminded, I think about it every 5 minutes) that in about 7 years of trying to have babies, I've only produced one.
Oh, and one more thing. I hate the belly glance. Really, I'm already pretty self conscious about the gut, and try to suck it at all times, so when you're looking at it, I know the question is coming and I try to suck it in even more.
Best advice I've ever heard in my life: Unless you physically see a baby emerging out of a woman's body, DO NOT ask her if she is pregnant. How embarrassing for BOTH of you if she's not.
Next time someone asks me when I'm due I have decided upon this response: "Well, I'm due to start a diet as soon as this conversation is over!" Which would be right about then. And for the record, every time this happens to me, I sob (inside) and then vow that I will never eat again and I will work out 8 hours a day. And then I say, "Forget them. I will probably never see them again, they didn't have a perfect, flawless figure, either, and I don't have to live up to their standards. Just my own."
Sorry for the rambling, but, Ahhhhhhhh, it feels SO good to VENT!!!
Since I've had Hudson there have been more than several occasions when people have asked "When are you due?" or "How many kids do you have? One and one on the way?" or just talk to me as if I were pregnant without even asking me if I am such as "It's really hot this summer. I can't imagine how you must feel in the condition you are in!". SERIOUSLY?! Dude, I know I am not pencil thin, nor will I ever be. I know I've got a gut and I hate it. I like to blame it on my PCOS which makes it harder to lose belly fat (but I don't like to let myself know that eating healthier and working out on the rare occasion might help, too). But really, don't like, 8 out of 10 people have a bit of a belly? So do these people just go around assuming that 80% of the population is pregnant?
And then there's this whole weird emotion that I feel that I've never felt until I was asked these questions. Of course the first emotion is horrifying embarrassment. But then as I'm trying to think of a response, several nasty things come to mind that I'd like to say to them...give them a piece of my mind! But anyone that knows me knows that if I ever tried to do that, I would break down crying before I could squeak my insult out. So here comes the weird emotion. In my embarrassment, I have to think of something to say to tell them I am not expecting, but I don't want THEM to feel embarrassed for thinking I was in the first place!
And just to get everything out while I'm at it, to add insult to injury, I feel like these comments are even more hurtful because I am going through infertility. Yes people, every time you ask me if I am pregnant, you are reminding me (like I need to be reminded, I think about it every 5 minutes) that in about 7 years of trying to have babies, I've only produced one.
Oh, and one more thing. I hate the belly glance. Really, I'm already pretty self conscious about the gut, and try to suck it at all times, so when you're looking at it, I know the question is coming and I try to suck it in even more.
Best advice I've ever heard in my life: Unless you physically see a baby emerging out of a woman's body, DO NOT ask her if she is pregnant. How embarrassing for BOTH of you if she's not.
Next time someone asks me when I'm due I have decided upon this response: "Well, I'm due to start a diet as soon as this conversation is over!" Which would be right about then. And for the record, every time this happens to me, I sob (inside) and then vow that I will never eat again and I will work out 8 hours a day. And then I say, "Forget them. I will probably never see them again, they didn't have a perfect, flawless figure, either, and I don't have to live up to their standards. Just my own."
Sorry for the rambling, but, Ahhhhhhhh, it feels SO good to VENT!!!
3 comments:
Oh my gosh Nichole I couldn't have said it better myself. I am so glad someone elce understands fully what that feels like. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "If you don't see a huge bulge then you should never ask if a woman is pregnant, even if your pretty sure they are."
The only come back I have had is "no Im not pregnant Im just chubby." But the one you thought of is much much better!
I am sorry that you have had fertility problems! What a blessing little Hudson must be in your life. He is such a cute little guy!
Sorry for the novel! I just really understand where you are coming from! And feel the same way!
I've had that happen to me before and it sucks so BAD!! Its always some stranger (or distant relative) who think they know everything. I have to agree that people shouldn't assume. I'm sorry about the infertility. My sister had that problem and tried for ten years to have a child and couldn't do it. She finally did invetro and had a girl, then did it again and had twins. She was so happy. Don't lose hope! I hope that things start working out for you guys!!!
Oh Nichole!
I face this ALL the time!
I usually just look them in the eye and say,
"I'm just fluffy."
or
"Well, the past EIGHT years of infertility drugs have done a doozy on my body."
They usually just shut up and don't ask anymore.
Some people are what I like to call WeMBI's... Well Meaning, But Ignorant.
Chin up & good luck!
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